Strangled

(Warning:  This may be a trigger for anyone who has experienced sexual assault or addiction.  If you are a survivor and do read this, I pray you find strength and comfort in these words)

At first it feels

like you are going to die

you can’t escape

no matter how hard you try

The nightmare has found you

you cannot wake

You can’t seem to run

Oh please . . . “For God’s sake

You were fooled by his kindness

then taken by surprise

How did you not recognize

the devil in his eyes

It is too late for that now

he has you pinned

This must be a lesson

for that forbidden sin

He forces his way in

and you drift away

Above the city of dreams

the lights turn grey

His presence will linger

long after he is gone

You will still be scrubbing

at the break of dawn

You did not die

now you wish you had

This is the beginning

of where things go bad

His lies will haunt you

you will bury them deep

but they surface again

when you sleep

Alcohol will become

your greatest friend

The line will be crossed

into addiction you descend

You won’t recognize the face

looking back at you

Your eyes are now hollow

your bones poking through

Pour another drink

chalk another line

The mask you wear

says you are fine

As hard as you try

you can’t fool yourself

Even through the poison

demons laugh from the shelf

Every bottom is different

for some it means death

You knocked on that door

when you found meth

This is where you lost control

and pleaded with God

“Show me a fucking reason!

You coward! You fraud!”

You couldn’t see it then

as you lay on that cold floor

But he was listening to you

ready to give you much more

His grace began to appear

as his angels held you tight

Didn’t you know

You never left his sight

This is where you surrendered

the moment you chose to live

Death would have robbed you

of the gifts he had to give

Your reason surfaced later

in the form of a son

a beautiful undeserved gift

began to mend what had been done

He continues to teach you

far more than you can teach him

He gives you courage to strive harder

on days that seem dim

This is where you stand tall

and tell the truth

Break free from those chains

be a voice for our youth

~ Jess

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